Short Sighted

There are people who recognize the depths of grief and have no expectations.

If they don’t understand they want to, showing up with openness and a willingness to hear whatever words need to be said.

Allowing me space to unravel the confusion and build a life with clarity and purpose, absent the person I partnered with for 44 years. 

 It helps when someone listens.

It helps a lot.

 For others, the new me is invisible and all they see is the girl who used to be. They make meet up dates with someone who no longer exists.

Two people have transitioned, at least that’s how it seems, and it’s not entirely a bad thing.

I consider it an opportunity.

An opportunity to stay with these shocking and surprising, never experienced before feelings, and give them time to transform.

An opportunity to live and create in my new powerfully singular life.

An opportunity to grow compassion for those who have traveled this road before.

An opportunity to make this last portion of my life less about reacting and more about intentional living.

An opportunity to become wiser and love more unconditionally. 

Someone expressed the hope I was feeling less sad awhile back. Yes, I am still sad to a degree, but it’s more a physical thing, an emptiness and rearranging of every cell in my body

It’s a life review, too.

 Were all those sticky, picky and repetitive complaints worth anything, in the end? 

What has my shared portion been and will I choose differently now? 

The dailyness of a marriage can be short sighted and then one day, you realize it was short sighted.

Maybe all of life is shortsighted.

I love remembering the fun stuff and how boring life would have been without Alan’s quirkiness and struggle to do real life.  

I have a photo of him on my dining room table, taken during the early months of our relationship. His hair was cut bowl style and a tan polyester suit was his business attire back then.

I used to help him blow dry his hair.

I tried to get him to pay bills in a timely manner, over the years, and then I gave up and paid them myself.

I spent time training him in the ways of small talk, but he never caught on and drove me crazy, almost to the end. 

Sometimes I’d need to remind him he’d worn the same sweatshirt for three days running.

And yet: 

He was the kindest most gentle man I’ve known.

His dry sense of humor was unexpected and made me laugh out loud, so often. 

His accomplishments were impressive, and he rarely spoke of them.

He forgave me, no matter what.

And there you have it with a “whisper” to complete things.

This is a “focus on the rainbow, not the storm that made the rainbow possible” moment.  You now have the opportunity to do some of your most important and creative work.

Be awake within each moment.

Do not let the chaos and fear of the unknown distract you.

Live each moment to the fullest, as this will be an important part of your legacy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and those you love.

And so we go…

with love

Marylou

12 thoughts on “Short Sighted”

  1. So absolutely beautiful. Your words really help me think about how I am living my life. I love what you write so much. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving

  2. I am walking a little with you as I embrace Merrily’s death. She was my closest friend and I miss the little things we did together. I have inherited pieces of her fabric and I can remember her artistry in each piece. She is still very much with me. Your words are guiling my way. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family. Judilyn

    1. I think of you so often, Judilyn…and the passing of your dearest friend. You and Merrily were a great team and shared the gifts of your combined artistry. My heart is with you. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones, my dear. Grateful for you…

  3. Love this writing. It is accurate down to the word opportunity. For several years I have given up assigning the words good and bad. Everything is an opportunity. My two questions to myself are: What can I learn and what kind of person do I want to be? My 45 years with Michael was so parallel to what your wrote about your life. I cherish those memories. Thank you for this post.

    1. Thank you, Jocelyn and a Happy belated Birthday and Thanksgiving to you! I love your questions…they are life changing. Long term marriages are worth it, if they happen. Memories are what sustain us after all is said and done. So grateful for the opportunity…

  4. Thank you for your thoughts. I caught the word “transform.” In my own difficulties I am trying not to struggle but instead to be open to what new thing might be in the process of being created. And to be awake and present enough to participate in the transformation/creation. “One day she decided to live a soft life.” Happy Thanksgiving.

  5. In reading your thoughts, it brings to mind to not sweat that small stuff and look at the bigger picture. Hoping your Thanksgiving is surrounded with love and family and lots of good food!

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