Try Love

To be in love with myself is something I’ve given lip service to, but never quite realized.

I’m finally getting it, feeling it and oh my goodness, what a relief.

How real and down to sea level can you get, is what I’m thinking.

It started with deciding to cut my own hair again. My short haircuts were trendy in high school and Twiggy was my aim, although never tall, blonde, or waiflike, I did have a nice head.

 Still do. 

A few friends asked if I’d cut their hair but never was successful enough to charge money. One girl accused me of trying to cut her head off when a tiny razor nick oozed little droplets of blood from the skin very close to her ear.

We laughed hysterically (nervously), or at least I did, but she didn’t ask again. In fact, I think her hair has been long ever since. 

After trying so many different stylists here in town, I’ve stopped.

I’ve stopped hauling around old photographs, trying to explain that I’m not your normal pixie, I’m a very special version of a pixie, and not your version, apparently. 

Week to week we’d slowly make our way back to where we never started and then I’d give up trying. 

So, I started cutting my own hair again and phew, what a relief. I know the shape of my head…I don’t try to make it anything it’s not. 

Yesterday I gave myself a manicure and pedicure, which I never do, nor do I pay anyone else to do it either. Only on rare occasions.

If you’ve considered my toes unsightly, you’ve kept it to yourself and I am grateful. 

My fingernails are tools and become paint chips sometimes. One time I returned from the store realizing I had streaks of cadmium red running across my wrist, the delicate part and smiled wondering if the clerk thought I’d tried to do myself in. Not this time, my friend not this time. Some things are not as they appear… 

To truly look at oneself is a miraculous and revealing thing.  In the space between your head, toes and nose there are miracles of invention and other worldly things, when you think about it.

Think about it. 

It’s quite humbling when you’ve never paid much attention except to judge, bemoan and wish for a different version. An updated version, maybe.

And then you see.

It’s such a startling and small thing, I know.

But today I feel admiration and gratitude, quite possibly love.

It’s mushy I agree. 

For me, being alone, without another person to affirm or touch, has been life changing. 

Life is an inside job.

I think I’ve said it here before…

Now is the time.

Now is the opportunity.

And so we go…

With love,

marylou

“whisper”

All that is required is your love. For what you ask? For everything we reply. Yes, it is really that simple and basic. Make this your living legacy and it will outlive anything you can do or create of a material nature.

Love life and love yourself for the beauty you embody.

“Green Belly and Bees”

11 thoughts on “Try Love”

  1. Ahh Marylou! I am a trained professional in the hair department..Yes one of those little known facts about me..I was trained to be a barber when I was 19 years old and cut hair off an on (time reference) for probably 7 years total. I too have cut my hair because..well because I had a vision of what I wanted and it grows so fast that to keep it how I wanted it I had to take scissors in hand. I remember Twiggie..had her hair cut as a child. As an adult I had an Annie Lennox hair cut…suited me, though I doubt it suited my husband of the time. For years I wore my hair short..actually a safety thing when I worked in Special Education. Finally here I am at 67….and I let it grow and I let it be grey. Because honestly, my hair still grows fast and I don’t want to keep going in to make it look like something fancy. I am pleasing myself..Love your thoughts!

    1. Your hair is beautiful, Holly…and you have quite the hair cutting history! I’m sure your’ training helped a lot when you were cutting your own hair. Annie Lenox was such a style maven. You must have looked fabulous with that haircut! Rock on, my friend!

  2. Love your painting! And glad you are cutting your own hair! I cut Rich’s hair and mine. Though at the moment I am not able to stand that long. I have never had a professional nail appointment either, I do my toes during summer but summer is escaping me this time around!
    Thank you for sharing Alan’s whisper.
    Love 💕 Cindy

  3. Marylou,

    I love what you have to say here! Something that I am working on so hard.

    I thought you might appreciate this image that came to me to represent the body sensation of pregnancy. then I tried to make it in clay.

    with love, Lindsay

    >

  4. I think that getting older we can learn to just be ourselves. I’ve only had manicures a few times in my past life now I basically keep them neat and tidy and only use clear nail polish once in a while. Some days I just don’t feel like doing the makeup routine and I’m comfortable with that after all I’ve earned it. My mornings are far more relaxed for the most part. I know I’m transitioning and I’ve told my kids when the end comes, no public displays, no burial plot, etc. Cremate me and scatter me in the sea.
    It’s not easy to face one’s demise, but it’s a fact we cannot escape. I am trying to be brave and matter of fact about it, but it’s not so easy. However, Death comes stalking each living thing and I just want to leave with as much dignity and grace as possible.

    1. Oh, Jan…it sounds like you are facing this next part of your life with courage and grace, even though it’s not easy. My heart goes out to you, having experienced the truth of our reality recently myself. I’m grateful to know you are able to be open with your kids and speak your wishes. That is so important. Sending love and kindness your way, my dear. Take good care of yourself. Your relaxed mornings sound lovely…

      1. Thank you for your kind words Marylou. I think it’s so true; that old saying that what doesn’t break you will make you stronger. After all, each one of us is just passing through.
        Have a lovely day wherever you are.

  5. My sweet sister, Once again you have expressed ‘me’ in a way that I was not capable of. Thank you for allowing so many of us to see ourselves through you. BeverLi ________________________________

    1. Dear BeverLi…thank you for your words. I never know if my writings will resonate and it’s a gift to know when they do. That we are all in this together and share similar ways of moving through life, as women, is a comfort . Sending big love and appreciation…

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