To be in love with myself is something I’ve given lip service to, but never quite realized.
I’m finally getting it, feeling it and oh my goodness, what a relief.
How real and down to sea level can you get, is what I’m thinking.
It started with deciding to cut my own hair again. My short haircuts were trendy in high school and Twiggy was my aim, although never tall, blonde, or waiflike, I did have a nice head.
A few friends asked if I’d cut their hair but never was successful enough to charge money. One girl accused me of trying to cut her head off when a tiny razor nick oozed little droplets of blood from the skin very close to her ear.
We laughed hysterically (nervously), or at least I did, but she didn’t ask again. In fact, I think her hair has been long ever since.
After trying so many different stylists here in town, I’ve stopped.
I’ve stopped hauling around old photographs, trying to explain that I’m not your normal pixie, I’m a very special version of a pixie, and not your version, apparently.
Week to week we’d slowly make our way back to where we never started and then I’d give up trying.
So, I started cutting my own hair again and phew, what a relief. I know the shape of my head…I don’t try to make it anything it’s not.
Yesterday I gave myself a manicure and pedicure, which I never do, nor do I pay anyone else to do it either. Only on rare occasions.
If you’ve considered my toes unsightly, you’ve kept it to yourself and I am grateful.
My fingernails are tools and become paint chips sometimes. One time I returned from the store realizing I had streaks of cadmium red running across my wrist, the delicate part and smiled wondering if the clerk thought I’d tried to do myself in. Not this time, my friend not this time. Some things are not as they appear…
To truly look at oneself is a miraculous and revealing thing. In the space between your head, toes and nose there are miracles of invention and other worldly things, when you think about it.
Think about it.
It’s quite humbling when you’ve never paid much attention except to judge, bemoan and wish for a different version. An updated version, maybe.
And then you see.
It’s such a startling and small thing, I know.
But today I feel admiration and gratitude, quite possibly love.
It’s mushy I agree.
For me, being alone, without another person to affirm or touch, has been life changing.
Life is an inside job.
I think I’ve said it here before…
Now is the time.
Now is the opportunity.
And so we go…
All that is required is your love. For what you ask? For everything we reply. Yes, it is really that simple and basic. Make this your living legacy and it will outlive anything you can do or create of a material nature.
Love life and love yourself for the beauty you embody.