I’m noticing couples more often these days conversing over items in the grocery store, heads touching and choosing ink cartridges in Staples. I remember similar collaborations and how we consulted over the smallest things just because of proximity.
Small talk and small decisions are the ephemeral of life.
That feeling of ease and communication is what I’m noticing when I watch.
Surprisingly, it will be two years in October.
We do become complacent in long term marriages.
It seems we’ll always have time to connect and correct, converse and traverse, while leaning in.
I’ve lived that reality where questions are answered and daily planners prevail.
Where the sheets are washed by one and the coffee is made by the other, ground hog day in perpetual motion.
Rituals to be counted on, for sure.
I shopped for coffee beans and for the first time in a while, purchased whole ones.
Counting out four spoons full and grinding loudly, so early in the morning, is a way of saying, “I’m here.”
The cute little woven pillow with a peace sign on my bed says, “I’m here, too.”
Cosmetics left out, snacks for dinner, sitting on the floor with my glass of red wine in the evening all remind me “I am still here.”
I can do this, and I want to do this.
And for now, there’s no room for another to fill the lonely moments.
Loneliness won’t kill us if we stay with it, breathe and give it time to transform into gratitude for the space and
I’m not fifteen anymore and so many opportunities were missed back then
but this one won’t be missed.
An older man called and invited me for pizza and after several invitations I said yes, knowing him as a former friend of Alan’s. After one evening I realized his story was more than I could hold.
For now, I hold myself.
And my grand babies.
P.S. I don’t know how long this story goes but if it ends
there will be another story
for I love telling stories.
Thanks for hanging in…
And so, we go
and with love,
Do not look down at your feet, just keep dancing in the light.
All is well…all is very well.