So Now What?

I don’t like to count time so much, except lately I have been reflecting on turning seventy this coming July.

And I’ve been noticing Alan has been gone (in this physical form) for a year and half and yet it seems like maybe ten months, or so.

How could it be that in such a short time I became a widow and a grandmother, now of two gorgeous little boys?

I don’t know…it’s quite stunning, truthfully.

 Life happens. Time passes.

Alan and I were given a house plant as a wedding gift, and eventually it became a tree. We transplanted it from one home and climate to another and it was happiest when living in Morrow Bay. But we didn’t stay in Morro Bay and moved on to the desert and now back up to the foothills of California.

Since then, it has been sort of hanging on and I put her out of her misery a few days ago. It was a big deal only to me.

I feel free, not carrying the responsibility of a 46-year-old plant on my shoulders anymore.

I’m determining to bring new life in, in ways yet to be determined.

I purchased new bedding and randomly a bottle of Jean Nate (remember Jean Nate?) that showed up on my newsfeed, a few days after I’d attended my 52nd High School reunion.

I used to love the stuff and it refreshed me at the time, but this time it only felt sticky, and I wanted a shower.

The reunion was sweet, and we mostly looked our age, which was a relief.

 Age seems to level things out after a while.

The JV Cheerleader squad that included me took a group photo and I will treasure those days and how far we’ve all come. 

Three of the cheerleaders had gone on to advanced degrees, careers and retirement and I smiled on the way home, thinking how I was the one who’d taken a less direct route in life. 

There must be a way to retire but for now I’m grateful to have inspired work to keep me going.

Still not feeling that social, though, which is really nothing new. Alan was always my buffer, but no one noticed or expected me to be different, apparently.

It seems it’s a concern for some of my more social friends.

This was sent to me by someone new and speaks truth. 

 Maybe yours?

~ When winter comes to a woman’s soul, she withdraws into her inner self, her deepest spaces. She refuses all connection, refutes all arguments that she should engage in the world.

She may say she is resting, but she is more than resting: She is creating a new universe within herself, examining, and breaking old patterns, destroying what should not be revived, feeding in secret what needs to thrive.

Winter women are those who bring into the next cycle what should be saved. They are the deep conservators of knowledge and power. Not for nothing did ancient peoples honour the grandmother.

In her calm deliberateness, she winters over our truth, she freezes out false-heartedness.

Look into her eyes, this winter woman. In their gray spaciousness you can see the future. Look out of your own winter eyes. You too can see the future.

~Patricia Monaghan~

Love for all of us,



Share the song that your heart sings for this is the most powerful advice we can give you. Do not let the pundits of “right or wrong” be your guide. 

Your heart is your best guide for it has no philosophy, doctrine, or practice. 

It is guided by your soul.

8 thoughts on “So Now What?”

  1. Thank you, my dearest Marylou and Patricia Monaghan!

    Gee, I’m 68 and that* pretty much describes me! I am rather relieved that this must be a bonafide stage of life for some women. My girls were a bit worried about me and my new attitude. I say no to busy “stuff” but yes to “myself.” I used to be quite social and a great multi-talker, but alas, I love my new reinvented calm self. It’s okay to be calm, I say again & again.
    I love it and seem to protect it.
    My husband even thinks I am more attractive now! What?? I didn’t see that coming.
    Either way— I cherish each and everyone of your posts, Marylou.
    Thank you for speaking for me and to me and thank you also for your hubby’s whispers.
    They don’t fall on deaf ears!

    Teri —another Winter woman*

    1. Hello Teri, you “Winter Woman,” you! I hear exactly what you are saying and am impressed you have been able to redirect your life in a way that is more centered and peaceful. Good for you and good for all of us! Thanks for appreciating what I do and for Alan’s whispers too….and for your hearing ears! That’s so cool….

  2. As always this really touched my heart 💜 and I needed to hear it.
    Time just goes on. LU Marylou

  3. I’m standing here in an airport crying at the beauty of your description of us as winter women. I have such deep gratitude for who you are and how you can share us all through your words.

    I feel seen, understood and honored, a state that not often comes from external sources.

    Thank you, BeverLi

    Oh the photo is of my 2 newest!

    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone Get Outlook for Android ________________________________

    1. Oh my goodness, lovely BeverLi ; you make me feel so better! Thank you for your words of kindness. We are are all in this together and yet some of us feel things, or are able to articulate what we feel, more. You are seen, my friend, and honored. The picture of your grand babes did not post here but I’m sure they are beautiful. Sending love….

  4. Marylou… thanks for what you wrote and for sharing Patricia M’s words and Alan’s whisper. Loved it all. Sending hugs. ❣ Sara

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